Post 12: Draft Script and Feedback

Feedback recieved from our script

Our teacher arranged for a script developer, Becky Knapp to come into our class and look through our scripts in order to help us.  After reading through, she decided that was too short as a page of script tends to equal a minute of film.  At this time, our script was just two pages long and our film must be six minutes long maximum.  Becky gave us some possible areas of developement in order to create a longer film, such as:

• Development into the lifestyle of main character (Billy's) mother. Why she is absent from his life.
• More narration between Billy and teacher- make the teacher more caring over him.
• Introduce initial idea of food being his comfort
• Show a bulimic issue within the character of Billy
• Unpick the idea of self harming further

Becky made us realise that we do need to include more to the narrative of 'Dumped' however we decided to instead introduce a running scene of Billy running out of school and away from trouble which was mentioned in post 11.  We also decided to develop the role of the teacher slightly and include a scene of Billy's mother in her car on the phone to the school.  We decided to develop the role of the mother in order to show how careless she really is over her son.  We decided to create her as a working woman who places the importance of her job above the interaction with her son Billy.  We will construct this through the use of mise-en-scene of costume, props such as an expensive mobile phone, car and hand bag.  We decided to not directly show Billy's mothers face as we wanted to reinforce the absense she has with Billy through the absense of her face in our film.  We also decided that at this point, she will tell Billy's teacher who rang with conserns, that she has decided that it is time that Billy went to live with relatives for the time being as she has no time due to work commitments.

Since adding these following scenes, we have recieved much more positive feedback and are now sure that it will be long enough.

This is an annotated script of what changed we decided to make.